We all know the fate of squeaky wheels; they get the grease. But other wheels, less audible but with conditions far more dire, are left to being run down, run over, or otherwise flattened. Still, we perk up to squeakiness, and when Professor Zuck developed a way to make squeakiness audible the world over through notifications as punctual as tik-tok, ears and eyeballs paid attention, and Woke up the world. Soon, every sound bite, pop up, and twitter feed became compellingly grating with an incessant squeakiness, and no amount of apologies, reparations, affirmative actions, reeducation, or statue removals could grease our anxieties. And so the wheels kept squeaking louder and louder, and then the wheels of civilization, utterly unattended, just fell off.